If you were watching me try and write this post right now, imagine the scene from You've Got Mail when Tom Hanks is trying to email Meg Ryan the night she thinks he stood her up. I've started this 900 different ways and deleted them all. I'm honestly just not very inspired. I'm sad. I'm trying not to be angry. I'm tired. And I'm doing my best to focus on how remarkably blessed we are to live in a city with an incredible children's hospital, surrounded by family and friends that love us so hard.
I was just talking to my mom and thinking back to 3 years ago when Stella had surgery at 2 days old and 4 months old. We had barely lived in St. Louis a year and while we certainly had family and friends, it was nothing like the community that is here for us today. Our immediate family still remains our rock. But our church and the friends that lead us to our church have been a game changer, our school friends are our cheerleaders, our work friends are incredible gift givers, and our best friends are our actual lifelines.
We are blessed, blessed and blessed to be blessed. I really cannot believe we did this 3 years ago without all our current people (not that we didn't have fantastic friends back then! We did!) But God knew we needed each and every one of them this time around. From my playgroup moms, to the core group I have known just a few months, to the spunky 25 year old that showed up on my doorstep a few days after Stella was born (we love you Margie and Co.) to the friends and family members that bring me life in the form of wine, hugs, inappropriate texts and unconditional love. What a crew.
Tomorrow we head into the hospital at 6:00 am. I met with her surgeon again today and he tried his best to put me at ease (I think the bear hug I gave him was a little too strong but he rolled with it). He said the surgery usually lasts 5-6 hours, with 80-90 minutes of that on the heart lung machine. Yowsa. Once again we will get updates on the hospital’s app that allows us to see actual pictures of her heart during surgery - we will be sure to post them later in the week!
From there, it's a total guessing game with no real playbook. Perfect scenario for an OCD heart mom, right? The biggest concern or complication that will keep us inpatient during recovery is drainage from the chest tubes on both sides of her body. And that is something that just isn't predictable. The chest tubes could come out in 4 days or 15 days - there is no magic solution to speed it up. The best estimate we have been given is about a week. So if you really want to hone in and pray for something super specific, that's it. Get the chest tubes out as quickly as possible. Because they also hurt like hell. Her surgeon said to anticipate 10-14 days before we get discharged, but her Cardiologist has suggested it could be closer to 7-8 days so we are staying optimistic that Stella will once again work her magic and breeze through recovery.
On top of that, pray for Stella. (right?)
Sweet Stella. She knows she is going to be in the hospital and honestly doesn't seem scared. I'm a little jealous. I hate that she is going to wake up from surgery with a dozen wires running through and around her little body. I wish I could prepare her better and at the same time pray she won't remember this later in life! I'm angry this is our reality and grateful it isn't so much worse. This blog is becoming a broken record.
We will start a new post tomorrow and keep it updated throughout the day, and each day until Stella is out of the ICU. I know Instagram and/or Facebook are easier to check - but I don't have it in me to open those apps sitting in the ICU. Selfishly, its just depressing to see happy, healthy kids when I'm trying to update you on the latest. Sorry. And once Stella is back to her normal, hilarious, spunky self you better believe I'll be blowing up instastories again!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for every prayer and every act of love you show us tomorrow. We need it and we feel it. We love you all.
God bless Stella’s heart!
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